Monday, September 20, 2010

What thing that stresses me out in the hellish way?


Everything are so blank. I skipped all classes today. No worries. No one cares bout me coming or not. My dad busy with his new wife, my mom busy reflecting how miserable she is being left by dad, my sisters with their husbands, my brothers with their works, my younger sister is busy flirting with boys.

Since my family moved to Kuala Lumpur, my family has been falling apart. We argued alot, misunderstood on small things, and brutal actions over taken by our normal consciousness. People might say that this is normal things that happen in every families. But no. This started to happen with the existence of the third person who came to my dad's life, my stepmother. Even I hate it to mention she's my stepmother coz I would never admit she is, instead I'd call her 'bitch'.

Today my mother woke me up, with fierce voice after one called out of me. It was very different with how she treated me before. She was very caring in whatever she did, for family. Her cooks were terrific that every family members would miss it and drool whenever think bout it but now I see sadness on her face while she cooks. She made jokes whenever we were in car going somewhere, but now silence filling the car. Everyone go with their own minds thinking what to do in their workplaces, meetings, assignments, etc but none cares bout how to tighten the family bonds that are loosening days by days. Even when there's conversation, it would be less than 10 words.

I don't want to mention more, it's personal thing actually that just close friends know bout further details. But what really matters that things happen in my family would come first from any other things that happen. If you say study, I never want to go to school. LOL. When I was in Standard 1, I was known by the one who held-tight-the-school's-main-gate-and-begged-to-be-brought-home-kid. Every teachers and students would gather and be the audience of the drama that would be me as the main role. Even now, in campus life, I always beg my mom to stop this study. She would say, " Go marry instead." Hell no. At least not now. I have to get all my minds fixed first before taking this step. Plus with what I've been through, getting closer with men would be the first thing I would avoid.

It hurts alot to reminisce of these things even though it happened in short time. If can, I would like to bring my family and time back to where we were, in Sabah. That was the happiest lifetime I've had. Although my dad's job needs him to go outstation a lot but he remembered his family and would bring home presents to mom, and us. But now it's next to zero that he would bring any coz all the things, that bitch would filter and bring to her house instead. Aah.. what really happens sure much much vicious to be mentioned. And that, I should remained silent to myself only. The last thing I wanna say, that bitch is so baka!!!!

P/S: Stay out of someone else's husband!